Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The first cut is the deepest

I’ve been feeling a little sorry for myself lately because Nathan stopped nursing. I think it's because he's teething, a common issue since drinking from a bottle requires less work so it doesn’t irritate the swollen, painful gums as much. But that isn’t lessening the blow at all.

I had always planned on weaning him around 6 months but I wasn’t prepared for him to wean himself. And I definitely wasn’t prepared for him to arch his back to get as far away from me as possible and kick and scream.

I am suddenly having visions of him pulling away from me when I try to hold his hand crossing the street. Or not letting me kiss him on the cheek when I drop him off at school because “It’s so embarrassing!” Or the worst possible form of rejection of them all, the dreaded... “I hate you”. (Let it be known that I officially feel HORRIBLE for ever having said this to my own parents.)

But then I realized it's silly to worry about things I have no control over. Of course he will grow up and learn to be independent and not need me like he does now. But for now, he does need me and he does let me kiss him and cuddle him and hug him whenever I want. So I will cherish those moments while they last and I will cry myself to sleep when he's a teenager!

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