Happy Mother's Day

I had the most wonderful Mother's Day weekend this year. It started with time.... to myself. That might sound horrible at first. Time to myself for Mother's Day? Shouldn't I want to spend every waking moment with my children? Here's the thing, I spend every waking moment with my children.  Every... single... day. So yes, time to myself  is a luxury I was happy to accept this weekend.

I spent Friday night laughing over artichoke hearts, steak tips and a brownie sundae with friends from school. And I spent Saturday morning with 3 wonderful new Mommy friends (without our kids!!!) slowly sipping coffee and talking about... what else, but our kids.

Then Saturday afternoon was spent with Will and the boys. We took a drive up to Ogunquit, ME to be greeted by drizzly rain. But we still had a great time eating lobster rolls and ice cream, taking our new wheels out for a spin and practicing our funny faces.

Sunday morning, Will occupied the boys and let me sleep in. I didn't get out of bed until 9:38!!! I was greeted with flowers and breakfast and homemade cards and a new pendant to add to my favorite necklace.

Then we piled up into the car and met up with my family to take my mom out to lunch. We spent the afternoon with my parents and 3 siblings, passing the baby around and laughing, then ended up back at my parents' house eating dessert in their dining room, a tradition that occurs at almost every holiday or special occasion.

This of course is the edited version, the perfect version. It was still a regular day, complete with dirty diapers,   whining, and the occasional threat of timeout. I rushed around when we were running late this morning, left the house with wet hair and showed up to lunch frazzled. But every day comes with a few negatives. It's the positives we must hold onto, for it's the positives that form our memories.  And today, my first Mother's Day with two little boys instead of one, will always be a happy memory.

Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful moms out there.

2 months old

It's hard to believe this little nugget has been with us for almost 9 weeks. There are days when he still feels completely brand new, and others when I can't remember what it was like before him. Since this blog serves as my baby book, here a few stats I don't want to ever forget....

Age: 2 months

Weight: 12 pounds, 4 ounces

Length: 24 inches

Eating: After a rough start including latching issues for him and a nasty case of Mastitis for me, we are now exclusively breastfeeding. Our only issue now is that he's refusing to take a bottle which is making it hard for me to have any freedom!

Naps: No schedule whatsoever during the day, wherever and whenever he feels like it. Hard to get baby #2 on a schedule when your day revolves around baby #1's social schedule.

Sleep: Last feeding around 7, goes to bed around 8 and sleeps until 4!!! Nurses at 4 and then goes back to sleep until 6 or 7. This little guy is going way easier on me than his brother did, who woke up at 12, 2, 4, and 6 every single night until he was about 7 months old.

New stuff: Smiling and cooing which is awesome. Recently discovered his hand which has quickly become his favorite chew toy.

Are you ever lying in bed, just about to fall asleep when you hear a sound? Your heart stops and you lie there quietly...listening. Was it my imagination? Did I really hear something? Then you hear it again. And you try to stay so quiet, you don't dare make a sound, for fear of calling attention to yourself. Then you realize you have to go to the bathroom but there's no way you can get up now. And of course your throat starts to tickle and you want to cough so badly but you can't risk making a sound.

That's what it's like having a 2 month old sleep in a bassinet a foot away from your bed.

Who's the boss?

I have said before that ever since we had children, in some ways, Will and I are now business partners and our children are our product. We invest time and money into producing happy and  healthy children. That is our job.

When you have a paying job, you report to a supervisor or a manager, but no matter what their title is, you have a boss. But parents whose full-time job is to take care of their children often joke that they are the CEO of their own company. They don't report to anyone.

Who am I kidding? I might coordinate the logistics, but I know who runs the show.

Trial and error

Sometimes Ryan does this short little yell over and over. It took me a while to figure out what that translated to. At first I thought he might be hungry but he refused to eat. Next I thought he might be gassy but after patting his back for what felt like forever, he refused to burp. Then one day I laid him in his bouncy seat and in minutes he was asleep. The next time I noticed the yelling I popped in a pacifier and again, he was asleep in minutes. So after a little experimenting, I was able to determine that yelling = tired.

Babies are such a mystery and half the time I am only guessing what he wants or needs. But with a little trial and error I am slowly but surely figuring this kid out.

Not to toot my horn or anything...

But yesterday, I bathed both children, took them to a playground, made a successful trip to the grocery store, got them to nap at the same time in the afternoon and then used that time to bake a chicken pot pie.

Considering there have been days in the past 6 weeks that none of us even got out of our pajamas all day, I'd say yesterday was pretty impressive.

And then there were four...and things got crazy

Having your first baby is completely life changing, there is no other way to put it. I knew having a second baby would be just as exhausting and just as time consuming, but my life already revolved around one child, now it would just revolve around two so I didn't really expect it to change my life that much.

I was wrong.

My life has changed completely. I now have to comfort a crying infant while simultaneously building a block tower with a toddler. I have to carry a (heavy!) carseat through a parking lot while also holding tight to a little hand that constantly tries to wriggle free. I have to make sure that Ryan's crying doesn't wake Nathan up in the middle of the night.

Finding balance seems to be the hardest adjustment so far. Unlike with your first baby, when the second one naps, you don't get a break because the older one still needs you. So you're up all night feeding a baby and then up all day chasing around a toddler.  It is nearly impossible to find any time for myself. So my homework gets neglected and I find myself cramming to get it done in the hours before I leave for class. Showering has become a luxury I aim for every other day, and forget about drying my hair, I can't afford those 15 minutes. I'm lucky if I remember to eat one solid meal a day and I'm embarassed to admit how many times I've cooked a healthy meal since bringing Ryan home (there's been a lot of takeout.)

And most important, is finding time to give Nathan the one on one time he needs, and deserves, without neglecting Ryan who is completely helpless and needs me constantly.  It breaks my heart when Nathan begs me to hold him, or let him sit in my lap, or just have me to himself for a minute. I try to give him as much attention as I can but there are moments when I need to hold Ryan, need to feed him, need to comfort him and I find myself telling Nathan "No" or "Not now" or "You have to wait a minute" and his little face crumples and his lip starts to quiver and he begins sobbing and just like that, all 3 of us are crying. I can't imagine what this has been like for him. Of course every first born child goes through this when they get a sibling and I know that having a brother will be a wonderful gift for him but right now I can't help but think that he is feeling confused and jealous and a little left out.

I've been told over and over by friends with 2 kids "Just hang in there until 6 weeks and it will get better." Ryan will be 6 weeks this Friday, which coincidentally is also Nathan's 3rd birthday. I am hoping the sun shines a little brighter that day and we can follow that light toward better days.

Until then, I will be hanging in here, most likely not showered, covered in spit-up and with dark bags under my eyes... but at the end of the day as long as we're all alive, I will consider it a good day.