Friday, February 1, 2013

36 weeks and counting

I am 36 weeks today and found out I am 1 cm dilated and my little nugget is head down and making his way into my pelvis. This kid is ready to go!

I have gained 29 pounds so far, a little frightening since I only gained 25 total with Nathan! I worked out a lot more when I was pregnant with Nathan ( a luxury I said goodbye to a long time ago since becoming a mama) so I was afraid this might happen. Although I am hoping that chasing a toddler around all day will help me drop the weight just as easily as I gained it! I also remember the combination of breastfeeding, sleep deprivation and forgetting to feed yourself being a very effective diet so here's hoping the magical combo works its magic again this time around!

For the most part, I feel good. While I definitely miss being able to sleep late in the mornings and take naps whenever I wanted like I did during my first pregnancy, Nathan also serves as a constant distraction.  Most days I don't even think about being pregnant, which is helpful since I can remember focusing on it and watching the days on the calendar pass by so slowly during my last few weeks with Nathan.

Sleeping is pretty much impossible. If I'm not getting up to pee, I'm up with heartburn, or being kicked awake by my night owl. I have accepted the fact that there just is no comfortable sleeping position when you're 8 1/2 months pregnant. This is all preparing me for the middle of the night feedings headed my way though.

I would say I am 50/50 when it comes to being scared/excited. I am scared of how Nathan will react. Will he feel jealous of the baby? Will he feel neglected by me? Will he feel confused? I am nervous about how I am going to take care of 2 little ones, how exactly do you go grocery shopping with a toddler and an infant?? How do you get the baby on any type of schedule without cutting out your toddler's social life?? How do you entertain a toddler all day when you've been up with an infant all night??

I am also really scared that I will have the postpartum baby blues/depression that I had after Nathan was born. Those first few weeks, which should have been the happiest of my life, turned out to be the most terrifying, lonely, sad time and I am so scared I will have those feelings again. I kept everything bottled up inside the first time around and plastered a smile on my face and told everyone how happy I was. The only one who really knew the truth was Will. This time around I will try to be better about getting rest, and asking for help, and being honest about what I'm going through.  But as bad as that was,  I think I'm most scared that Nathan will decide to give up his nap right when this baby makes his arrival. Don't do it Nathan, don't do it!!!

On the flip side, I am so excited to meet this guy! Nathan's gender was a surprise so we never referred to him by his name. With this little guy we've been calling him by his name for weeks now so I feel like I've really bonded with him. We got a new glider (something I didn't have room for in our tiny NYC apt when we had Nathan) and anytime someone sits in it, Nathan shouts "No, that's XXXXXX's chair!" (So much for keeping the name a surprise, Nathan has definitely let it slip a few times).

Overall, I love being pregnant and I really will miss it when it comes to an end. There is something so special about feeling your baby move around inside you, it's indescribable really. But if anything can beat that feeling, I know now that the real thing is 100 times better! So I'm ready whenever you are kiddo. I can't wait to meet you.

Hugs and Kisses,

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