In the past month, Nathan has been displaying some unusual behavior. He is either insisting he is a baby, "like Ryan." This includes crawling on the floor, asking me to feed him, pretending to cry and babble and he apparently even convinced my dad to burp him last night. Or he's deliberately disobeying me, stealing toys from his brother and just acting out constantly.

In my opinion, he's begging for attention and that makes me so sad. For nearly three years, he was my right hand man.We did everything together and he got 100% of my attention. Ever since Ryan came along, he is constantly being told to stop, wait, or be quiet. He loves Ryan and has so much fun playing with him but I can't help but feel guilty that part of him feels like second best.

We've spent one day together, just the two of us, since Ryan was born. That was almost 8 months ago. (Insert Mom guilt here) I need to make more of an effort to spend one on one time with him. So tomorrow, I am taking advantage of having my in-laws in town and leaving Ryan home with them and taking Nathan out for a special "Just Mommy and Nathan" morning. I told him we can do whatever he wants, including lunch at a restaurant. (This kid loves eating at restaurants.)

His first choice was easy, he wants to go to a playground. Such a simple request but ever since Ryan came alone I stand on the sidelines holding the baby, or nursing the baby, or comforting the baby while Nathan plays alone. Tomorrow I will get to go down the slide with him, push him on the swing, run and chase him, like we always did when it was just us.

His second choice is proving to be more difficult. When I put him to bed tonight he told me he had narrowed it down to his three favorite restaurants. 1. Kelly's, because he likes to watch the big fish tank. 2. Papa Gino's, because he loves pizza. 3. Friendly's, because you get ice cream. I told him he can be spontaneous and make a last minute decision although I'm secretly hoping he chooses Friendly, who doesn't deserve a little ice cream on a Friday afternoon?

Nathan will always hold a special place in my heart as my firstborn. And although he can't have all of my attention anymore, it is my job to let him know everyday he still has my whole heart.