Brothers

Tonight I saw a glimpse into my future. As we sat down to dinner, Nathan started singing and making crazy faces. He was pretty much doing anything besides eating. Ryan of course thought this was hysterical and could not stop laughing. Which made Nathan act crazier. Which made Ryan laugh louder.

As I tried to intervene and get Nathan to focus less on his performance and more on his tilapia, broccoli and sweet potato, I was completely ignored. It was like I wasn't even there, they had eyes (and ears) only for each other.

Adjusting to two kids has been hard for me. There are many days where I struggle. Tonight for instance, the whole time I tried to cook dinner, Ryan cried and insisted on being held (teething has made my happy guy less than happy) and Nathan would not leave my side, insisting I play play-doh with him. To be honest, they were both driving me crazy and I would have done anything for them to leave me alone. But then at dinner, they wanted nothing to do with me and just like that, I realized there will come a day, sooner that I probably even realize, where they will no longer need me (or want me) to give them my undivided attention. Because they will have each other.

They will play together. And laugh together. They will fight with each other. They will ignore me or give me one word answers, and then turn to one another and whisper and tell secrets. The day will come when they scurry up the stairs together, leaving me by myself downstairs. And while being left alone sounds like heaven right now, I know I'll be sad when that day comes. I try to tell myself that on the hard days. That one day they won't let me kiss them in front of their friends, or hold their hands. They won't want me to hug them and they won't tell me they love me. (In fact they will probably even tell me they hate me....sorry Mom)

They won't need me as much but I hope they always need each other. Siblings are a blessing that we often take for granted when we are young. I fought constantly with my brother and two sisters growing up and many times wished I was an only child.  But today I am so thankful for them.  No matter how far apart we have lived from one another, or how much time passes between seeing one another, I know I could pick up the phone and call any of my siblings anytime. They are friends for life, a support system I can always rely on.

When Ryan was first born, I felt so guilty, as if I had ruined Nathan's life. But the older Ryan gets, and the more he can interact with Nathan, it is easy to see that giving him a brother was a great thing. I look forward to watching them play together and when they want nothing to do with me when they're older, I hope they will always turn to one another.