I'm embarrassed to admit Nathan isn't potty trained.
And I feel terrible that I'm embarrassed by that.

It's not for lack of trying! We have had a small portable potty since he was two years old.
And one of those little seats that rests on top of the regular toilet.
We have tried stickers and M&Ms and donuts.
We have potty books and potty songs and potty videos.

Nothing works.
The kid doesn't want to use the potty!!

Most kids want to potty train but have accidents.
Not Nathan.
He has 100% control over himself. He knows how to hold it and can tell me when he is about to go.
But he doesn't want to use the potty, if he has to go, he wants a diaper and if he's in underwear, he will just hold it.  And that can't be good!

I've talked to other moms, and teachers, and our pediatrician.
Everyone has a different opinion.

Talk about it more.
Stop talking about it.
Let him decide when he's ready.
Just take the diapers away.

He turned 4 in April.
He is in the largest size diaper they make.
We are on borrowed time.

For the past couple months we have not talked about it.
We've let him wear diapers and stopped pushing underwear.
But this weekend we decided to try again.

Last night we told him that we would be doing lots of practice using the potty and wearing underwear all weekend. He seemed excited about it.

This morning started with a standoff. An hour of him refusing to put underwear on and us refusing to put a diaper on him. He cried. He sobbed. He begged for a diaper. I held back my own tears. The last thing I want to do it traumatize him but I'm starting to think if we don't force him to do it, he never will!!!

He has underwear on now and seems fine with it. But we'll see what happens when he actually has to go.

I think every parents feels anxious about the big transitions their kids have to go through.
I worried about taking his bottle away and switching him to a cup. He did fine.
I worried about switching him from a crib into a bed. He did fine.
I worried about going back to work and putting him in daycare. He did fine.
But this is the one transition we just can't get past.
It is without question, the most difficult, stressful, frustrating aspect of parenting I've experienced in the past 4 years.

I keep telling myself it will happen eventually.
But honestly, I'm starting to picture him heading off to college, with a box of Pampers tucked under his arm.