You know you're a mom when...

You say things like:

Please don't put your grape in your armpit.

That's a lady, please stop calling her a man.

If you let me brush your teeth, I'll let you flush the toilet.

Waving the white flag

For all the

refusing to brush your teeth and locking your jaw shut every single time I attempt to get in there myself,

ripping whatever you're eating into a thousand tiny pieces then throwing them across the room,

standing in front me while I vacuum and refusing to move out of my way,

asking to eat 24/7 then telling me "I no like it" no matter what I give you,

dumping a bowl of cheez-its on the couch,

to having a daily red-faced, snot-nosed, can't breathe because you're crying so hard meltdown over NOTHING....

I give up.

I give in.

I surrender.

(Does admitting defeat against the terrible two's make them them go away any faster?!?!?!)